Boyfriend Girlfriend aur WOH!!!

Over the past two years, I have seen my group of single friends dwindling at a fast pace. It appeared to me that a higher number of the human population started to believe that the world was coming to an end in 2012 and all beautiful & sexy girls in their twenties had to be in some relationships away so that they could at least die honorably. Well, if the 2012 myth was really true, what is the whole point in getting in relationship now anyways?

When asked me to define ‘boyfriends’, I have always said, “Those mean guys who steal from you, your favorite crushes.”

Think of a few girls with whom I grew up since I was six years old, girls whom I saw naked during group-baths, girls from whose plate I flicked tasty paneer and dumped gross upma into, girls whose pencils and erasers I borrowed, lost and never returned, girls whose Chyawanprash I stole, girls with whom I learnt addition in Math, traffic rules in Social Studies and the difference between living and non-living things in Science and girls whom I actually saw with no make-up and eyebrows like Koor Singh from Chandrakantha. Moreover those girls whose frightened faces I remember on the first day of my college, girls who ran to me to discuss their first crush, girls with whom I shared all my  xerox notes, and girls who lovingly lent me their Nokia phone to play the brick game and secretly text their crush.  Mix them together. Top this off with those girls who were there with me through more mature and major phases in my life, say during my depression periods, through my virtual heart-breaks and hangovers, girls who helped me do silly yet meaningful things such as aimless conversations into the night, unnecessary shopping and gave me the right kind of advice when I was totally confused.

Relationships change them, each one of these girls. You are then conveniently shoved into the back of their heads. And if you are lucky enough, they probably will think of you once in a year, when it’s your birthday. I have tried to understand and reason with them but I just don’t get it. Why does the whole wide world revolve around their boyfriends?

Although this is directed to every so called committed girl in general and no one in particular, I am just in the mood to do some random rambling.

• ·         You cannot call her between 10am-6pm. That’s because her boyfriend’s with her. Oh, you also cannot call her over the weekend that is total privacy encroachment.

• Don’t ever plan a trip with her. No, not even if you ask her 6 months ahead. She already has the next decade planned out.

• Stop looking for her single pictures on Facebook. You are never going to find any.

• Yeah! Deal with all the lovey-dovey updates, her boyfriend is the best guy on earth, and NO, you cannot actually flirt with her.

• Face it! You cannot have a conversation or anything without the boyfriend being mentioned.

• Don’t bother buying her any gifts. Your little piece of love, care will seem like David in front of Goliath. The mean guy, her boyfriend, would have already purchased the city for her.

• In her world, you are like Pratibha Patil, spending 204 crores and valuable time globetrotting, while she is like Barack Obama, focused  and already geared up for his presidential campaign.

• You no longer get to hear any juicy details. “Yes, we did it, no big deal”

• You have to get used to their new found interest in love stories, may be now she seems like a die-hard fan of ADITYA ROY KAPOOR.

• “BFFs? Are you kidding me? We are no more in college. Yeah! Grow up.”

• Learn the language of a 2 year old. She will make you talk to them quite often.

• If she posted tons of messages on your Facebook wall earlier, drop your hopes now. She will seem super busy with her life and absolutely dead on networking sites, but hey, she has the time to ‘like’ all the posts by her BOYFRIEND. She will console you by asking you to go and look at her old messages. “Facebook has Timeline now, what for?”

• ! She had a favorite hero? Her BOYFRIEND is her life-time hero now.

• She will tell you that she was engaged in Relationship in November, sometime in May. It really doesn’t matter to her that you weren’t informed. Look out for the excuses! Horoscopes, elders-ka-mamla, me confused and a butt load of crap. (This is specifically targeted to the crazy girl who actually did this to me. Yes, she has subscribed to this blog but will be too lazy to read the whole thing anyways)

And, last but not the least, the couple knows you are the “woh” in their relationship and with pitiful eyes; they pray that you realize this fact sooner than later.